Are you a manly man? Do you wear belts made out of beef jerky and sweat whiskey from your pores? Would you like to slaughter armies of freedom-oppressing soldiers, machine-gun-wielding gorillas and puddles of incarnate slime with a huge arsenal of weapons? What if you could do that while simultaneously oogling ridiculously large-breasted women in skimpy, revealing outfits and rocking out to some wailing guitar solos?
In case you can’t tell, Alpha Squad doesn’t have much time for subtlety. Its title screen features the musclebound cast of rag-tag mercenaries brandishing their enormous firearms in front of a burning city accompanied by its metal theme song. It gloriously revels in every aspect of over-the-top 80s action movies; it’s dumb, it’s obnoxious, it’s sexist and it’s can be quite a bit of fun, when it isn’t being hampered by some infuriating flaws.
