This piece of work has taken me longer to write than anything I have ever written before in my entire life. That includes, but is not limited to, a boring as hell essay I had to write back in high school that I managed to string out for an additional two weeks before finally being ordered to hand it in. That essay eventually got written solely because my intense distaste for that particular subject and teacher drove me to weave a bit of wordsmithery that could both convey the factual points it needed to get across while still letting that teacher know just how much I detested writing it.

I was able to eventually spit that out because of those negative feelings. Emotions, whether negative or positive, are an amazing driving force for me to do something, simply to get it out of my way. It’s when something doesn’t strike me as particularly good or particularly bad that I have the most trouble. Even with the blandest of offerings I can normally find something on one side of the spectrum or the other to grasp at, and elaborate from there.

Rock of Ages did an impressive job of keeping me incredibly neutral for the whole experience. The gameplay consists of rolling a ball down a track to smash through a giant gate protecting whatever historical figure you are doing battle against. In between rolling your boulder you are placing a small variety of towers on your side of the track to prevent your opponent from doing the same to you. Unfortunately, this is practically a futile effort. The computer will hit your tower, eventually get past them, or break through them and hit your door. As long as you hit their door first, the time between rolling your boulder will end before theirs, and you can roll again. Simply repeat the process a meager three times and you will win.

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